Except for the fact that she wasn’t. I was in denial. I was not healthy and I truly did not accept myself. There was no self-love. If anything there was pain and disgust and shame for the person I had let myself become. And as far as my health goes, I was just biding my time before the medical diagnosis for some weight related illnesses came pouring in. Given the path I was on, it was inevitable. I had no ownership of my life. Nothing was my fault. Until that moment when I realized I did, and it was. That is when everything changed.
I was really unfit so I chose to do the only thing I could do: walk. I walked and walked and walked. And it hurt. Walking at 286 pounds was painful. I changed up my diet, just ever so slightly at first, and put the focus on portion sizes and moderation. I did what I could within the limits of my body and my knowledge of food and nutrition.
I lost 5 pounds, then ten pounds, and then pretty soon I had lost nearly thirty pounds and started to gain some confidence. I continued walking but then began to branch out to riding a recumbent bike, using the weight machines at the gym, taking yoga classes, and then I pushed myself way outside of my comfort zone and started boxing.
Running didn’t happen for me until I had lost about 110 pounds. At first I didn't like running at all. In January 2012, I decided to see if I could run a mile. Well, I ran that mile and it sucked. But that feeling of accomplishment was amazing. It propelled me to decide to train for a 5K. Which I did. I ran the whole thing, too - but it sucked. Running just plain ole sucked. I decided to quit running except I had (foolishly, but also fortuitously) already signed up for another 5K. And not wanting to waste money I decided to give the 5K another shot. And this time around…it didn’t suck.
So I kept going. Running more frequently and further distances. Racing, training, racing, training. All of the sudden, I loved it. Of course, I still did/do other things. I love cycling and yoga. I absolutely love group fitness classes. But running, well, there is nothing quite like it. After some time off due to surgery, I have returned to running inspired by this team. This amazing team of people who are the epitome of hard work and perseverance, strength and beauty, kindness and compassion. This amazing team that I am so lucky to be apart of. This amazing team that I will get to live out my dream of running a Ragnar with. Is anything better? Next May, I will get the opportunity to run down my dream…